We Can Love If We Want To

The time I spend on the internet is much more limited than what it used to be, because I have other things occupying my time now. Do I miss my time online? Sometimes. Then I see articles that make me realize my time spent enjoying real life moments are far more valuable. Granted, most of my real life is occupied by work and school, but I take joy from the little things because that is sometimes all we can hope for sometimes.

Recently it has come to my attention that numerous people think love is no longer attainable for the younger generations. Articles such as this one and this one seem to think that we have ideals too high to make love work. I’m not going to sit here and bash the articles or the people who wrote them, because the truth of the matter is they each have valid points.

Love is complicated in different ways than what it used to be, but there are still some similarities involved. Those similarities mainly reside around the fact that love takes work. Period. It’s a two way street, and both partners need to work together in order for a relationship to sustain itself. It’s called give and take for many reasons, and I believe that is the real reason relationships fail time and time again. Of course there are other factors involved, and I’m not discounting those. But these articles are basing results off of life aspects that can be fixed.

Perhaps I’m not the person to be writing this, seeing as how I am nowhere near being in a relationship let alone a serious, long-term one, but I think that is why my opinion can make a difference. I’m not being biased because I’m so in love and I’m not being hypocritical after suffering through a bad break up. I’m seeing the real deal for what it is, or at least I’m trying to. So what if I’m not sure whether or not marriage is my endgame? I’m not going to put a pin in the hopes of those around me just because something might be not be for me.

The point of this post is to address some of the little things that might make a relationship last. They’re simple fixes, and it all focuses on paying attention.

Don’t text you partner when they’re in the same room. That’s just ridiculous.

Unless there are other people in the room and you’re using the written word as some form of artful foreplay to be completed at a different location then just don’t do it. Speak. It’s why we were equipped with the gift of language. Use it.

If you’re letting finances rule your life, you probably weren’t ready to be married in the first place.

It’s a sad point that I believe holds validity. You don’t need to be 100% financially secure to be married, but having a plan helps. A lot of people are not ever going to be set for life, but if you’re letting arguments over money take control over the love you share with your significant other I believe that is a sign right there. Just wait for a bit. Find that stability you so obviously crave, and then move forward with the rest of your life plans; such as marriage and children. Hell, even throw in that white picket fence if it’s in your cards. Just do you, and make sure the timing works.

My point is that yes we have complications ahead of us, but that doesn’t mean we are ill-equipped to handle love and/or marriage. It just means we have obstacles to get over, which will make the journey that much sweeter in the end. If you’re a romantic don’t let discouraging articles deflate your sense of self. You’ll find someone, and maybe they won’t be everything you ever dreamed, but they’ll love you and you will love them.

I think that’s the point these articles might have been trying to make. We all want love, we just aren’t always the best at looking for it in the right places.

~Johana Spade

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To The Grave

Keeping a secret, while difficult, is not impossible. Secrets are small glimpses into another person’s soul; they happen because you were trusted by that person to help keep a piece of her or him unseen. It’s an act of trust between two or more people, and spilling the so called beans can essentially mean breaking that trust. Reality is harsh, but if you fail to keep a secret that is that big then you might has well have literally thrown your friend under the bus rather than figuratively. The key here is keep your lips sealed to the best of your ability.

As with anything, there are plenty of tips that can help keep a secret remain just that. Some of those tips include:

  • Putting yourself in his or her shoes. Think how you would feel if it was your secret being shared. You wouldn’t want to tell just anyone your secret, so you shouldn’t tell just anyone their secret.
  • Listen to them. Chances are they mentioned at least once that you “can’t tell anyone”. Anyone means anyone. Even if it is someone who doesn’t know them you still shouldn’t let their secret slip. Telling a person who doesn’t know the person is just as bad as telling someone who does know them. It’s a gateway slip, it will undoubtedly lead to future slips. So just don’t do it.
  • Secrets can be soul burdens. If you’re finding a mighty need to tell the secret just to ease the pressure of your soul write it down. Use code-names of course so that if someone happened across it all parties involved would still remain intact. Writing it down is similar to sharing the secret with someone without all the horrible backlash that could result in a loss of friends.
  • Know your limits. There are some people who just can’t keep secrets. If you are one of those people, speak up before the secret is spilled. That way if for some unfortunate reason you were to let it slip later on, then it will not be entirely your fault. You gave fair warning, and they still decided to share their secrets.
  • Understand the difference between secrets that should be kept and secrets that shouldn’t. Sometimes there are people out there who give you a secret that can be harmful: to themselves or to others. If you happen to come across such a secret you will have a lot to contemplate. First you will need to know who you can turn to with this secret, because harmful secrets aren’t always best left swept under the rug.

Those, of course, are just a few of the essential guidelines to follow. There is more to it than that, but knowing the basics helps to lay the groundwork for future tight lips.

~J. Spade

Why, Thank You?

Backhanded compliments can be just about the worst thing ever. Especially if they are finely crafted to begin with. The ones that are so well created by the people who are very manipulative can take on a sort of evolutionary phase. Meaning that at first listen it merely sounds like the compliment that is hidden inside. Then when you think about it again later, the more it begins to sound like the hidden insult it was meant to be. And if you’re anything like me, that insult laden compliment is going to weigh on your mind for years to come. It’s not a fun feeling. Continue reading

The End All, Be All

There are a hundred words that could be said and a thousand words that could be used at any given moment. Our life experiences combined with our personalities help to craft just how we will respond to arguments or jabs in any situation. People sometimes call it quick wit if you are able to spin words fast enough to leave your opponent dangling, but maybe there’s a bit of wit found in the silent type as well. After all, an argument is not always won by having the last word – but despite knowing that, it can be oh so enjoyable to have your words be the ones hanging in the air, left only for the wind to carry them off. Continue reading