We Can Love If We Want To

The time I spend on the internet is much more limited than what it used to be, because I have other things occupying my time now. Do I miss my time online? Sometimes. Then I see articles that make me realize my time spent enjoying real life moments are far more valuable. Granted, most of my real life is occupied by work and school, but I take joy from the little things because that is sometimes all we can hope for sometimes.

Recently it has come to my attention that numerous people think love is no longer attainable for the younger generations. Articles such as this one and this one seem to think that we have ideals too high to make love work. I’m not going to sit here and bash the articles or the people who wrote them, because the truth of the matter is they each have valid points.

Love is complicated in different ways than what it used to be, but there are still some similarities involved. Those similarities mainly reside around the fact that love takes work. Period. It’s a two way street, and both partners need to work together in order for a relationship to sustain itself. It’s called give and take for many reasons, and I believe that is the real reason relationships fail time and time again. Of course there are other factors involved, and I’m not discounting those. But these articles are basing results off of life aspects that can be fixed.

Perhaps I’m not the person to be writing this, seeing as how I am nowhere near being in a relationship let alone a serious, long-term one, but I think that is why my opinion can make a difference. I’m not being biased because I’m so in love and I’m not being hypocritical after suffering through a bad break up. I’m seeing the real deal for what it is, or at least I’m trying to. So what if I’m not sure whether or not marriage is my endgame? I’m not going to put a pin in the hopes of those around me just because something might be not be for me.

The point of this post is to address some of the little things that might make a relationship last. They’re simple fixes, and it all focuses on paying attention.

Don’t text you partner when they’re in the same room. That’s just ridiculous.

Unless there are other people in the room and you’re using the written word as some form of artful foreplay to be completed at a different location then just don’t do it. Speak. It’s why we were equipped with the gift of language. Use it.

If you’re letting finances rule your life, you probably weren’t ready to be married in the first place.

It’s a sad point that I believe holds validity. You don’t need to be 100% financially secure to be married, but having a plan helps. A lot of people are not ever going to be set for life, but if you’re letting arguments over money take control over the love you share with your significant other I believe that is a sign right there. Just wait for a bit. Find that stability you so obviously crave, and then move forward with the rest of your life plans; such as marriage and children. Hell, even throw in that white picket fence if it’s in your cards. Just do you, and make sure the timing works.

My point is that yes we have complications ahead of us, but that doesn’t mean we are ill-equipped to handle love and/or marriage. It just means we have obstacles to get over, which will make the journey that much sweeter in the end. If you’re a romantic don’t let discouraging articles deflate your sense of self. You’ll find someone, and maybe they won’t be everything you ever dreamed, but they’ll love you and you will love them.

I think that’s the point these articles might have been trying to make. We all want love, we just aren’t always the best at looking for it in the right places.

~Johana Spade

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The Life and Times of a Spade

You might want to step back, because I’m about to get all sorts of personal on your dash.

I’m sorry, that ridiculous pun sounded a lot better in my head. Getting to the point though, I’m just going to give you a brief overview of what is going on in my life, and what that will mean for my blog.

A couple of weeks ago I was hired on for a full-time phone customer service position. Not a big deal, and I don’t start until early to mid February which means nothing has changed as of yet. I don’t know what my shift is, and I won’t know until the middle of March what it will be. As it stands now, that one job won’t change much when it comes to posting.

The thing that might make my posts more sporadic is the fact that I will be looking for a part-time position as well. I know what you’re thinking, “Johana! A part-time and full-time job isn’t going to occupy all of your time.” Okay, maybe you’re not thinking that, but if you are then I’d have to say that you would be right. Keep in mind we have to factor in time for sleep as well as time for eating and exercising. That shaves a bit more off my available hours within any given week. Once again that is not what I am worried about, I’m more worried about the fact that I am also going to continue going to school full-time. With my procrastination techniques firmly in place, I do believe my posts will be limited. I’m hoping for once a week at least. We will see how well that works out.

Just wanted to keep you updated as I continue on in my endeavors of paying my bills and getting educated. With any luck I’ll be able to make it to graduate school with only a bit left to pay on my car.

Why did nobody tell me adult life was going to be so stressful?
~Johana Spade

Apologies Are Not Necessary

It’s funny how I feel the need to justify my writing. I’m practically apologizing for being human and making mistakes anytime a person finds even the most minor of flaws within my creative works. Hell, I’d probably do the same thing here on my blog. It doesn’t really make sense. I should not feel the need to make excuses for something I put so much effort into, because the fact of the matter is the person is trying to help me. Have I mentioned that I’m terrible at accepting help?

Maybe I should rewind.

Recently, I gave my mom the first two chapters of a novel I wrote. This novel has gone through a series of edits, and I finally got to the point where I decided I was going to redo the entire thing. I gave my mother a copy of the renewed draft, so even though it’s way different than the previous one it is still rough. When I came over for dinner with my family, my mom asked if she could write on it. I don’t know why I took it so personally, but I began to feel bad that I had given someone something so unpolished. I shouldn’t feel bad. I’m sharing. She asked to see this, because she’s proud of me or whatever. I don’t need to make excuses. I know this. Yet I do it anyway.

It’s a side effect of me constantly thinking my writing is sub par. I need to break this habit, because I don’t need to be perfect. Comparing myself to others is not going to do me any good, because how boring would it be if everyone wrote the same.

This is where I make a point to start finding the beauty in my style and owning it. Because I’m never going to be anyone other than myself.

~ Johana Spade.

Secondhand

Clothes and toys, recipes and jokes, advice and prejudice: we all have to handle all sorts of hand-me-downs every day. Tell us about some of the meaningful hand-me-downs in your life.


As the youngest child I spent a lot of my time dealing with hand-me-downs. Toys, books, clothes, and even sports seemed to belong to someone else before it came to me. At the time it really annoyed me. I was the only girl amongst my parents children, it didn’t make sense to me how my mother kept happening across used clothing for girls that were conveniently in my size. Of course, I had plenty of older cousins that helped out with her endeavor to keep me clothed in articles that were well past the point of worn.

Being as young as I was I just didn’t understand. Why did my brothers receive new things when I never did? Was it because my parents loved them more than me? Questions filled my brain and stuck in my mind, making me more confused than I had any right to be. Then one day all of that washed away. All pieces of hand-me-downs that were given to me were not merely objects that had previous owners, they had been cared for and loved in such a way that shouldn’t be looked down upon. The objects had lived, had stories of their own. That was beautiful, that was new, and the fact that I could create my own stories to go right along with the previous ones was an incredible feeling.

Once I had realized that, I ended up being happy with the things that I had. I was able to appreciate the value of them, and even to this day I still admire the quality of life found in hand-me-downs. That’s part of the reason I donate the stuff that I have outgrown, because maybe, just maybe, someone will have a place for that material in their own life.

 

~J. Spade

Crying is an Art

Do movies, songs, or other forms of artistic expression easily make you cry? Tell us about a recent tear-jerking experience!

I am a sucker for heart-wrenching angst. Maybe my life is so cut and dry without any drama that I seek it out through forms of artistic expression, because there are moments when I find myself craving a good dramatic movie, book, or song. As for the crying part of this question, that’s a little bit more difficult to answer.

How can I answer that without sounding completely robotic?

Well, I guess the short answer is that I can’t, because no matter how I phrase this following aspect it is going to sound emotionless; maybe in a way that is true though.

I can honestly say that I have never cried because of a movie or a song. I’m more emotional when it comes to the written word, but I still do not cry because of it.

At an early age I told myself not to cry. Like many people who grew up with the demands of “stop crying” and the notions that “crying is weak” I have learned to suppress my emotions. Now, many years later, it has become quite the problem.

I have friends who are on a mission to find the movie or book to make me lose it. Small displays of emotions make me feel unbalanced. While I have learned to comfort people who need a shoulder to cry on, I still cannot let myself be that vulnerable. It’s quite the wall I have built around me, and I fear that the more I hold off my emotions the higher this wall becomes.

I have aspirations of one day crying during a movie, but I’m hoping it will be in the solitude of my living room and not in some packed movie theater.

~J. Spade

The Find

500 years from now, an archaeologist accidentally stumbles on the ruins of your home, long buried underground. What will she learn about early-21st-century humans by going through (what remains of) your stuff?

It’s amazing how much a person can learn simply by looking at the material items a person possesses. There’s that saying revolving around ‘judging the contents of ones purse’ and it is so very true. A lot of people can be a bit obsessive when it comes to what’s theirs: do not look through their phone contents, their purse contents, or their wallet contents. It’s a matter of privacy in a world that is all too public.

Now saying that, I tend to be more on the border of “take a look at your own risk”. I don’t care if people look through my stuff, it will fall on them if they see something they don’t like.

If 500 years from now someone were to stumble upon the ruins of my home, I think they’d be in for a bit of a shock about how this 21st century girl lived her life. Crammed into a somewhat small living space I have the necessities: a bed, fridge, kettle, and clothes.

No big deal right?

Well, I think the most important thing she would learn about 21st century life is that we were extremely good at Tetris. At least I know I am. I have packed over twenty years of accumulating crap into one room that I still don’t even know how I managed it. My room’s some sort of whacked out version of Mary Poppins’ bag, I have so much junk. 

~J. Spade

Living Again

In a reversal of Big, the Tom Hanks classic from the 80s, your adult self is suddenly locked in the body of a 12-year-old kid. How do you survive your first day back in school?

At the age of twelve I would have been starting my school year in the 7th grade. Which is conveniently the start of a downward spiral for me. I can safely say that having my adult self locked into a twelve year old body would make the seventh grade go a whole lot differently.

First I would speak up, and often. I don’t care what I would speak up about – whether it be answers to questions or just opinions – I would make sure my voice was heard. Of course it would be to a certain extent. No seventh grader would spout off half the stuff I am known to prattle on about, so I would keep that in. For the most part I would just goof off and enjoy being a kid again. I would know that growing up is difficult and happens way too fast. How many times was I told that as a child and yet I laughed it off? No, I would know better at this rate. I would enjoy my year, even though being twelve has its own struggles.

I would take it one day at a time and try not to stress about the small stuff, like I have been prone to do my entire life.

~J. Spade

A World Without

Title: A World Without

Prompt: You wake up one morning to a world without mirrors. How does your life — from your everyday routines to your perception of yourself — change?


Continue reading

New Dawn ♠

How often do you get to (or have to) be awake for sunrise? Tell us about what happened the last time you were up so early (or late…).


At my previous job, I had to be up before sunrise everyday. The only rough part about it was that I was working split shifts, so not only would I have to roll out of bed at five in the morning, I usually never got to bed anywhere before midnight. It was taxing, and with school on top of that very stressful.

Now I sleep in a bit. I wake up around 7am every morning, if I get to bed at a reasonable hour (I’ve started counting 2am as a reasonable hour).

There is about one day every week that I will stay up until sunrise though. Not on purpose. I’m usually so engrossed in what I am doing (i.e. reading, writing, homework, or internet browsing) that I don’t really think about going to bed until the feeling of being up to long hits me in the face.

That’s just usually how it goes for me.

Overall, I don’t mind being awake before sunrise. I’m not a morning person by any means. I wouldn’t recommend starting a conversation with me until sometime after noon, but I don’t mind being awake to get things done early. It just depends on how late I get to bed usually.

~ JSpade♠

Back to School

Growing up, August was like the Sunday of summer vacation. It stirred up mixed feelings, because while part of me was excited to go back to school the other part was anxious about it. I was never the type of person to hate school, even when I was younger. Learning was something I always enjoyed, it gave me a sense of satisfaction.

Call me whatever you’d like, but the thought of school in and of itself was never the issue for me.

The other students were.

Even though my mother always called me her ‘Social Butterfly’, I was always a little bit anxious of my classmates. All I wanted to do was fit in. A normal feeling for many youths out there. Many personality shifts befell me in my years of schooling as I tried to find who I really was. It took me many years, but I believe that I’ve finally found it.

I still love school. Though being the anxious creature that I am, I still get a little nervous when school starts up again. I don’t let it hinder me in the way it used to, instead I try to feed off of that energy.

I guess my overall feelings for school and the month of August haven’t really progressed. Maybe I haven’t changed quite as much as I thought.

~J. Spade

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