We Can Love If We Want To

The time I spend on the internet is much more limited than what it used to be, because I have other things occupying my time now. Do I miss my time online? Sometimes. Then I see articles that make me realize my time spent enjoying real life moments are far more valuable. Granted, most of my real life is occupied by work and school, but I take joy from the little things because that is sometimes all we can hope for sometimes.

Recently it has come to my attention that numerous people think love is no longer attainable for the younger generations. Articles such as this one and this one seem to think that we have ideals too high to make love work. I’m not going to sit here and bash the articles or the people who wrote them, because the truth of the matter is they each have valid points.

Love is complicated in different ways than what it used to be, but there are still some similarities involved. Those similarities mainly reside around the fact that love takes work. Period. It’s a two way street, and both partners need to work together in order for a relationship to sustain itself. It’s called give and take for many reasons, and I believe that is the real reason relationships fail time and time again. Of course there are other factors involved, and I’m not discounting those. But these articles are basing results off of life aspects that can be fixed.

Perhaps I’m not the person to be writing this, seeing as how I am nowhere near being in a relationship let alone a serious, long-term one, but I think that is why my opinion can make a difference. I’m not being biased because I’m so in love and I’m not being hypocritical after suffering through a bad break up. I’m seeing the real deal for what it is, or at least I’m trying to. So what if I’m not sure whether or not marriage is my endgame? I’m not going to put a pin in the hopes of those around me just because something might be not be for me.

The point of this post is to address some of the little things that might make a relationship last. They’re simple fixes, and it all focuses on paying attention.

Don’t text you partner when they’re in the same room. That’s just ridiculous.

Unless there are other people in the room and you’re using the written word as some form of artful foreplay to be completed at a different location then just don’t do it. Speak. It’s why we were equipped with the gift of language. Use it.

If you’re letting finances rule your life, you probably weren’t ready to be married in the first place.

It’s a sad point that I believe holds validity. You don’t need to be 100% financially secure to be married, but having a plan helps. A lot of people are not ever going to be set for life, but if you’re letting arguments over money take control over the love you share with your significant other I believe that is a sign right there. Just wait for a bit. Find that stability you so obviously crave, and then move forward with the rest of your life plans; such as marriage and children. Hell, even throw in that white picket fence if it’s in your cards. Just do you, and make sure the timing works.

My point is that yes we have complications ahead of us, but that doesn’t mean we are ill-equipped to handle love and/or marriage. It just means we have obstacles to get over, which will make the journey that much sweeter in the end. If you’re a romantic don’t let discouraging articles deflate your sense of self. You’ll find someone, and maybe they won’t be everything you ever dreamed, but they’ll love you and you will love them.

I think that’s the point these articles might have been trying to make. We all want love, we just aren’t always the best at looking for it in the right places.

~Johana Spade

The Life and Times of a Spade

You might want to step back, because I’m about to get all sorts of personal on your dash.

I’m sorry, that ridiculous pun sounded a lot better in my head. Getting to the point though, I’m just going to give you a brief overview of what is going on in my life, and what that will mean for my blog.

A couple of weeks ago I was hired on for a full-time phone customer service position. Not a big deal, and I don’t start until early to mid February which means nothing has changed as of yet. I don’t know what my shift is, and I won’t know until the middle of March what it will be. As it stands now, that one job won’t change much when it comes to posting.

The thing that might make my posts more sporadic is the fact that I will be looking for a part-time position as well. I know what you’re thinking, “Johana! A part-time and full-time job isn’t going to occupy all of your time.” Okay, maybe you’re not thinking that, but if you are then I’d have to say that you would be right. Keep in mind we have to factor in time for sleep as well as time for eating and exercising. That shaves a bit more off my available hours within any given week. Once again that is not what I am worried about, I’m more worried about the fact that I am also going to continue going to school full-time. With my procrastination techniques firmly in place, I do believe my posts will be limited. I’m hoping for once a week at least. We will see how well that works out.

Just wanted to keep you updated as I continue on in my endeavors of paying my bills and getting educated. With any luck I’ll be able to make it to graduate school with only a bit left to pay on my car.

Why did nobody tell me adult life was going to be so stressful?
~Johana Spade

Breath of Life

The quiet Earth gives way to a shallow flowing river,
Allowing the thin trickle of noise to take resonance.

The wind sweeps through the branches of a tall billowing tree,
Creating a majestic rustle of red leaves rushing.

An abandoned parking lot lays empty and alone,
Forgetting its days of youth, life and longevity.

And in that parking lot lies a tiny wisp of a flower;
Frail, and on the edge of being broken and abandoned.

All the while an absence of heat from the blistering sun,
Leaves living beings unsatisfied with an unquenchable tumult,

One that appears on a mothers face like a stern expression,
And sits in the gentle Earth heaving an all-known great presence.

And all this time the deep gusts rush past me in great lashes,
Leaving me chilled, and forever pondering the meaning of life.

~Johana Spade

Apologies Are Not Necessary

It’s funny how I feel the need to justify my writing. I’m practically apologizing for being human and making mistakes anytime a person finds even the most minor of flaws within my creative works. Hell, I’d probably do the same thing here on my blog. It doesn’t really make sense. I should not feel the need to make excuses for something I put so much effort into, because the fact of the matter is the person is trying to help me. Have I mentioned that I’m terrible at accepting help?

Maybe I should rewind.

Recently, I gave my mom the first two chapters of a novel I wrote. This novel has gone through a series of edits, and I finally got to the point where I decided I was going to redo the entire thing. I gave my mother a copy of the renewed draft, so even though it’s way different than the previous one it is still rough. When I came over for dinner with my family, my mom asked if she could write on it. I don’t know why I took it so personally, but I began to feel bad that I had given someone something so unpolished. I shouldn’t feel bad. I’m sharing. She asked to see this, because she’s proud of me or whatever. I don’t need to make excuses. I know this. Yet I do it anyway.

It’s a side effect of me constantly thinking my writing is sub par. I need to break this habit, because I don’t need to be perfect. Comparing myself to others is not going to do me any good, because how boring would it be if everyone wrote the same.

This is where I make a point to start finding the beauty in my style and owning it. Because I’m never going to be anyone other than myself.

~ Johana Spade.

Where has all the time gone?

It’s really a little bit embarrassing how long it has been since I have last posted. Actually, it is even more embarrassing how long it has been since I last even logged in. I’ve been meaning to, I really have. Intentions don’t really lead to actions I have discovered. The longer it took me to come back and post the more I started putting it off because I was ashamed. Now I’m making this post, however short it might be, to get back in the grove of things. This post is acting as my apologies to those of you who have ever enjoyed a post of mine, or that I have become friends with. I never meant for my absence to become this extensive.

I have a full-time job now, a part-time job, and I am still going to school but I’m going to find the time because I’m determined. And really, how hard could a 200 word post be when I’m writing 3-4 papers a week. That’s all I’m saying.

So in other words

~Johana Spade

Help & Poetry

I’ve been feeling pretty down in the dumps lately, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Then it came to me. As the weather started to turn sour, so did my mood. It’s one of those things where you begin to find it harder and harder to get out of bed, and you start putting off tasks that would normally be a quick job. That’s been me lately, it’s really a wonder I’ve been getting anything done.

The reason for this is because I’ve had a flare up of S.A.D – season affected depression that is. Sometimes I forget that I suffer from it, especially when last year I was so busy that I really didn’t have time to be alone with my thoughts. It didn’t hit me as hard as it is hitting me now. I’m posting this here because I want everyone to know that they are not alone. They don’t need to feel bad if they are having troubles adjusting, because it happens to a lot of people. Especially here in the Pacific Northwest.

In fact, the other day I wrote a poem that I would like to share. It depicts of how I feel whenever this comes around, and I’m betting people can relate.

You can feel like you’re choking
Suffocating on air
Your lungs could burst
But really who would care

Your feelings are fleeting
Your heart might be ice
Because you don’t have the will
To even play nice

You really wish you could feel
The way that you used to
You wish you could just see
The light instead of blue

But most of all the thing you want
Is for your heart to beat
Instead of breaking and pulling taut
Because you can’t stand that

Obviously it’s reflective of the funk I’m in, but that’s neither here or there, because really the reason I shared that was to give tips to those who might feel the same way. Some of the techniques I have found useful for this empty void in my chest are as follows:

  • Music. Listen to something upbeat, something to get your body moving and blood flowing. Sad songs aren’t going to cut it, because while they reflect your mood perfectly it’s only going to drag you further into your funk.
  • Write. It doesn’t matter what. Silly little poems, notes about the weather, how you’re feeling. Anything. Write it down.
  • Draw or color. I’ve hauled out my coloring books, and the color I place onto the paper really helps me cheer up a bit.
  • Eat. Make your favorite food, or just something simple. Being down in the dumps is no reason to let your health follow. Stay healthy, because your mood will improve.

Hopefully this at least helps somebody out there, because I really do know what it is like. There are people out there to support you, and you are not alone.

~Johana Spade.

 

With a Hint of Peppermint

One small fact to know about me is that year round I love peppermint. Really mints of any kind are my go to, so this time of year is extremely wonderful for me. Peppermints can be found anywhere: in coffee, in ice cream, and in cane form. It’s truly a beautiful time for my stomach, because I can indulge in one of my favorite treats in so many different ways that it should probably be considered illegal. No one look into that though, I’d much rather there be no prohibition placed upon peppermints.

Perhaps that little intro made you realize what was coming in, but it is more than likely you’re still left in the dark. My fault really, my leave of absence occurred shortly after I started Nostalgia Sunday. I really can’t blame you for forgetting.

A quick refresher pertaining to Nostalgia Sunday’s would have to be stating that this is the day I reminisce on feelings or objects that bring me back in time. For instance, peppermints.

Continue on if you’d like to read about my strong feelings for a piece of candy, move along if you think it’s too weird.

The smell of peppermint lingers in the air after just one lick. It seems to cling to your person, making you crave more of the succulent treat. The red and white blend catches your attention beautifully, and holds it without even trying.

I can remember it clearly; the sweet taste as it coats my tongue and the stickiness the red and white candy leaves behind on young fingertips. They come in around holidays, with their delicate arcs and graceful curves. Candy canes mean joy with friends and family. Candy canes crafty a point of happiness.

There was always something so simple about holding the thin treat in my hands while I crafted the end into a sharpened point as the sugary goodness dissolved beneath my taste buds. Time seemed to slow, coming to a halt as I sat by the tree – decorated in brightly colored ornaments and shining lights – as I devoured the delicacy.

Cleanup, of course, was always the worst. My mom would take a wet clothe to my hands and face, making sure none of the residue was left behind. The dishtowel always felt so coarse against my skin, rough and grating as it raked over and over trying to rid my flesh of the peppermint scented sugar. Yet, even knowing that I would be forced to endure the same thing over and over again, I always wanted  to have another candy cane.

The holiday season comes every year without fail, and with it brings the memories of a stained tongue and minty breath.

 

Curveballs

Sometimes I think I set myself up for failure. It’s embarrassing really, how long it has been since I have posted. I have had ideas of course, small snippets of thoughts I could turn into what I would hope might become a thought provoking post, but every time that I went to write them down or type them up I would come up with a blank. I have only one excuse with which to place the blame upon:

NaNoWriMo.

Yes, it has taken all my attention, and even completing my homework assignments have become more of a chore because I’m so immersed within my story that I don’t want to take the time to write down anything but. From that description you might think that I was on par for my word count, you’d be wrong. I’m dreadfully behind, but I do have plans to catch up within this last week of writing. After all, I’ve done it before, I can do it again. Hopefully.

Pushing all thoughts of NaNoWriMo aside I wanted to come on here and check in with everyone. It feels like I don’t even know what is happening in the blogosphere anymore, and that is not a feeling I like.

Over the last few weeks I have been writing, but more than that I have been working. My job affords me the ability to see all kinds of students in different settings. Some of these settings are stressful, and some of the students are aggravating, but it’s all manageable. I had one particular eighth grade boy who had quite the mouth on him, but that is a story for another time.

I also went to see Mockingjay, because I am quite obsessed with The Hunger Games trilogy. I’m quite obsessed with a lot of things actually, so that’s not really news.

And I somehow lost the point of this post within the brief update of my life. What have you all been during the month of November? If there are any posts/events you want me to check out send me a link and I’ll be sure to comment and like them. It might be a while before I see them otherwise, because I tend to get a bit sidetracked. Obviously.

~Johana Spade

Catching Up With Pictures

Monday marked the beginning of Photo 101, a course put on by WordPress that I happened to be very excited about. If you are following my blog, then you have probably noticed that I have yet to participate in any of the daily challenges so far. Yes, it’s already day three and I am behind.

That is because Monday also marked the beginning of a new position at work.

This week I started my subbing position as a SEA; that stands for Special Ed Assistant. With no training at all, I was thrown into a classroom with kids ages six to ten that have special needs. At the beginning of the day I thought it would be no problem, I conveniently forgot about my lack of experience. Children were screaming in my ear and I had no idea how to calm them down, and I didn’t know the ways or rules of the classroom in order to figure out a solution. It was a mess. These children are great; the staff, however, could spare a bit of time to make sure their subs are better prepared for what is about to happen. So day one was not so great, but day two was thankfully a bit better. It just goes to show that a small amount of experience can go a long way.

Though, I’m not making this post to talk about my work life. This blog was started so I could take a breather from school and work. Rather, this post is about me playing a game of catch up of the last two days. So here is day one and day two for Photo 101.

Day 1 - Home

Day One. Home.

Day 2 - Overcast

Day 2. Street

Mouse Jumps

And Mouse, just because.

The weather was a little dreary today, I’m just lucky it wasn’t raining when I went out to take my photos. All pictures were taken with a Nikon D5100 DSLR camera using a 35mm lens.

Hopefully during the rest of the course I am a bit more on top of things.

~ J. Spade.